You Lying Fungus!

You Lying Fungus: In Love

Love is complicated, messy, outrageous, wonderful, exhilarating and deflating at any given time, or all at the same time, depending on the people who are in it.

Or out of it. It can be really messy if you are in it (Love) and the other person is out of it…

It can be even messier, and possibly come with a side dish of jail if you are in it (Love) and they are out of it, and were never ever in it to begin with (Whooo Boy).


Goodness me, it is hard enough to navigate things when you both love each other, let alone trying to work it out when the critter you are in love with, doesn’t want anything to do with you.

I’ve been in the position one time, where I’ve told someone I loved them and I genuinely had no idea what was going to happen.

I thought my worst fear was that they wouldn’t love me back.

Turns out, that’s not half as bad as loving someone who loves you, but also loves someone else.

 Turns out, that’s not half as bad as loving someone who loves you, but also loves someone else.

(0r says they love you, but also loves someone else.) – Intro Avant, ‘Lie about us’… *rolls eyes*

This is never a good look in love, because no matter what way you slice it, no one wins, like, ever.

If you were the side dish and thought you were the main, then you are devastated when you are completely pushed off the table.

If you were the side dish and thought you were the main, then you are devastated when you are completely pushed off the table.

If you were the main, thought you were main, have always known you were the main and then end up the main, knowing there was once a side dish, who quite possibly thought they were also the main, then you will always be wondering whether or not the side dish is sitting at the next table (even if they are a part of another persons meal already).

Love like that really hurts. It hurts because we don’t know where we fit, and as hard as we try not to, we are always wondering….

116 responses to “You Lying Fungus!

  1. Just remember…whoever you may consider to be the *right fit* must be of such a fine quality in ALL areas so as to ADD TO or ENHANCE, but NEVER DETRACT nor ERODE AT the joy which should already be firmly affixed within yourself by the very person that joy was designed by and meant for- YOU. In short, never risk any of your closely held personal principles that you aren’t willing to lose forever.

    • Thanks for dropping by Morguie, and for the comment 🙂

      Hindsight is always interesting, though luckily for every single one of us, we have the opportunity to learn from all the stuff we perhaps shouldn’t have done and TRY not to do it again.. lol

      Sometimes life can be interesting and we need to mess up in the same way a few times before we work it all out!

      • Let me tell you, I DO know this. Hence, my best advice.
        Regret is a serious place, equal to the fires of hell, if you can avoid it, DO SO by always making choices that
        go WITH your gut. Good luck. I like you already…you’re a Grey’s lover AND an intellectual!

      • #YayBananas – a new friend!

        I tend to try and change my thinking as opposed to having regrets.

        Yup, I MIGHT have made a mistake there, or YES I REALLY messed up there AND I got this out of it – in terms of lessons and wont be doing that again.

        Has worked well for me so far.

        As you say, it is nice when we are thoughtful and use all the information we have to avoid the difficult times ahead if we can.



  2. Lots of great comments here. I enjoyed them all.
    Love is always a great subject.
    My problem currently is that I am not in love.
    I miss that giddiness, happiness, music-has-more-meaning-feeling:

    “When the moon hits your eye
    Like a big pizza pie, that’s amore
    When the world seems to shine
    Like you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore

    Instead of that song, I catch myself singing…

    “When a fish bites your thigh
    And you think you might die
    That’s a moray!”

    Cheers and Drink Moray Fosters

      • You are very welcome. You know, there was a time I actually gave up on love completely. Ironically, it was then that love found ME. And I’m talking “The One”. I had often heard the term “soul mate” and thought it to be nothing more than a fairytale, Not only was I wrong, I now know that fairytales can sometimes pale in comparison with reality. 🙂

  3. You deserve to be ALL of the following:
    1. Cold or hot hors d’oeuvre or appetizer.
    2. Soup – a first-class potage, thick soup served in as soup plate, or clear soup which may be served in a cup.
    3. Fish or shellfish – depending on the entrée, a poultry item may be used.
    4. Palate cleanser.
    5. Main course – with appropriate vegetable garnish.
    6. A cold dish with salad or fine vegetable
    7. Hot or cold dessert.
    Unequivocally and without reservations. Ok, so maybe you need to make a reservation.

    • *beaming smiles* Thanks so much for the awesome comment!

      This was based on a difficult situation in my own life, and as I try to cry and then recover by hunting for the positives in such things, my WIT and positive outlook was DEFINITELY required for healing 🙂


  4. Hi Ms lou…ever so thankful for the follow…Your blog is “ohhh-some” I like how you crafted the “Lying Fungus” and the smart decisions that went with it..Looking forward partaking more “power” blogs from you…

  5. Sheeesh! it is serendipity or whatever you want to call it! My last blog in “dating” section touches 2 loves a man has to choose: ..ummm, yes, I am back in the market…or was…after 10years of celebacy bliss=no drama. I haven’t shared much on personal past but in my long marriage, there were “See what you end up making me do” (his angry outbursts were my fault, As for drinking that was never acknowledged and never will be. Many people are functional alcoholics…have managed to tone it done and keep things civil…but not many admit it. As for that food metaphor…I don’t think I was even an appetizer or the dessert! But the last thing he said to me was “I don’t want to lose you too” remain with the Gf number 1. So am a helpful person, I just removed myself from the equation…choice done!

    An old friend once told me who was married with an alcoholic, that she could probably compete with a mistress but never the bottle.:( WI

    • Great post. You made a great decision. The origins of this blog (which I originally wrote back in 2009/10) were after an experience with a man I WANTED so desperately to spend the rest of my life with. I thrive off of emotional stimulation and mental connections and I honestly believed he was the one.

      Down the track a little ways, someone else became involved and after lots of tears, back and forth I eventually asked him to stay away. They were married 5 months later *blank stares*

      I have heard from her on a regular basis ever since, asking me to stay away from her husband (who I have NEVER had contact with during their marriage, OR since I asked him to no longer contact me) She has sent abusive messages telling me I was a fuck buddy, and he and I never had any emotional connection.. the list goes on.

      I honestly, without bitterness or envy empathize with her. She is now living the situation I chose to avoid. Iv’e lived the life of staying up late wondering what is going on, and so the decision to ‘remove myself from the equation’ was easier knowing the pain I would experience otherwise.

      I’d also like to share that I think he was a remarkable man, but with 2 small children I made the decision NOT to work through so much hard stuff to get to the quality stuff I know was inside!

      Hopefully it is coming together for them.

      I also think.. we need to be the love our own lives. For some of us, God comes first, the we have to love and care and respect ourselves to be able to provide and share that with others.

      I think we touched base over this one, though if I hadn’t shared – this is a great blog about love being a choice – not something we feel.

    • LOL.. Thanks for the comment. Interesting perspective! Careful, you might get fat!… lol Too much of anything is not good for you eh.. Or so it goes something like that!

      I’ve got your blogged tabbed, I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for 6 years. Thought I might find something to relate to 🙂

      • Thanks for that. Was your alcoholic a recovering one or on the path to perdition? And re: the sides, I couldn’t resist making the comment, but the only sides I’m having these days are firmly the edible kind… Chaste (rather than chased) … that’s me. : p

      • *giggling* @ your description of sides.

        He was and is still someone who has not yet firmly acknowledged there is an issue.

        Which is sad. He is a wonderful man, honestly.

        He sort of moves in and out of recognizing there is an issue. I left him when I was 1 month pregnant with our second child back in 2005. His drinking behaviours were harmful and certainly not healthy for children to be raised in. A regular comment that sticks around is ‘You drive me to drink’.

        SO GLAD not to be in that anymore.

      • Really glad you’re out of it. You did the right thing, of course – for yourself and your children. Kids need stability, and by that I don’t mean a dad who routinely relapses. Let’s hope he finally finds his way to sobriety.

      • Thank you. I did what I thought best in the circumstances. It was emotionally quite difficult.

        I honestly don’t think it will ever happen, without being bitter or horrible about it. I met him 1999, it’s now 2013 and no one ever lets him find his low to hurt enough to be moved enough to actually make a change.

      • It really is true what they say. They need to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they realise it’s time to change. You’re well out of it. Otherwise you’d be living with the fear of him relapsing, and that’s no kind of life to be living with two children. Do visit my blog again some time and share some of your experiences there… might help. Whenever the fancy takes you, that is. 🙂

      • I’m reading through as we .. type… lol

        My comments are something along the lines of… Oh yes, I know that one.. ahuh.. oh and that one too.. Oh yes.. *snorks*…It really is a small world.. – or just a big world with lots of alcoholics in it!

  6. Liked, just for the ongoing food analogy.
    For something so many other things are based on, Love really should be easier to get a grip on.
    But then, it probably wouldn’t be quite as much fun. Even with the heartache…

    • I saw an episode of the TV series ‘Scandal’. Kerry Washington’s character says “I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love.”

      I relate.

  7. Nobody wants to be the sidedish! When that happens, find another man who makes you his mains! I know, i know, easy but hard to do when the heart decides it wants what it wants…

  8. I love that– lying is also done in silence. I read an editor’s note for Walrus magazine once (I think it was John MacFarlane) which went something like “It is the elisions, those things left unsaid, that often say the most.” … something like that. I’ve always kept that in my thoughts as I write. Because we often find ourselves needing to expound on every last detail. Sometimes you can tell part of the story, by leaving pieces out. In music we call it “playing the rests”. Which reminds me now of a song by Alanis Morissette called All I Really Want, where she proclaims “Here Can ya’ handle thissss!…. (and then there’s silence).” Every time I hear that song I hear the music even though it’s not there. Lies… indeed, can be hidden in silence.

    • I always think back to a past relationship when considering this, and anytime I am potentially romantically interested in someone, the silences – they set off alarm bells in my head as a result of the past stuff.

      Poor Buggers, none of them have a chance with my baggage…. lol

      • I find I get confrontational… nice silence, nice ignore, nice gloss-over… now here’s a direct question for ya’! You don’t like it?… deal-breaker. 🙂

  9. Hi Louella..
    God your post is tremendous….. i really loved your words and the quotes….. everyone should read this one…… really really love… glad to connect 🙂 xoxo

  10. Pingback: Anne Darmawan | You Lying Fungus!·

  11. Hi Louella, I can relate to this post. It brings both, good and memories to light. I am in love with love. I am in a better place, and if no ones loves me again….I’m okay with that. I love myself and love my stress free life. I do find your blog amazing. Glad you liked several of my recent posts.

    • Thank you for dropping by Vee , and for your wonderful comments.

      I think that many of us may be ‘in Love with love’.

      I think people get addicted to that initial feeling of desire and ‘wanting to engage’ all the time and then when they get to the end of that phase, they tend not to realise that LOVE and acting with Love is a choice.

      For our relationships to have a deeper meaning, they tend to grow and evolve through struggles and hardships. We make the decision to be unhappy, choose to communicate better or remove ourselves from the situation.

      Of course being in an abusive situation is never acceptable, and I guess we all have to draw our own lines about what we will and will not tolerate and how much effort we put into making ‘Loving’ choices. Though, I feel sometimes, that people value the ‘newness’ bit rather than the ‘quality’ bit, that we can only get through making the conscious choice to LOVE – even when we just don’t feel like it.

  12. I figured I owed you to come on your blog 🙂 and oh boy I know how this feels, im seemingly always the one on the side where i wish i could tell that someone how i felt about them about they/she never felt that way about me, but of course that’s all part of relationships eh, even though its possibly the most painful part!

    • Quite right! But you can never stop trying, because you just never know when the one is going to be the one.. yanno?

      Thanks so much for coming over and visiting me, and especially for the comment, greatly appreciated!

      Thanks as well for all your help with Theme Hospital – I am totally enjoying it!

      Miss Lou

  13. “If you were the side dish and thought you were the main, then you are devastated when you are completely pushed off the table…”

    What a beautiful line! Thank you so much for following me. I certainly look forward to rummaging around your website!

    • *beaming smiles* Thanks Jordan, for the visit and the comment 🙂 I loved your post on the homeless man, his dog and your own relative experiences of ‘Poverty’ Beautifully written,

      Hope to see you again!

      Miss Lou

    • Oh I know right, I think we have all had an experience being a main or side dish, heck some of us have even been deserts (I haven’t worked out what that means yet, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something) If we haven’t been there ourselves, then we probably know someone who has!

      Thanks so much for your visit and your comment!

      Miss Lou

    • G’day Tanumoy, Love it. Now, if only my brain were to register more of the simple’ness’.. *giggling* Thanks for dropping by and for the comment 🙂

      Miss Lou

      • I’m in here now, is this music from your site? Oh goodness, I could spend hours in here!!… lol…

        Awesomeness… Watch this space… I mean.. watch your space… for lots of participative (is that even a word?) comments!

        Miss Lou

  14. My very dear Miss Lou,

    We most certainly share the situations you’ve described above. Just to know that is from your past makes me hopeful that you have found your method of getting past the whole thing. For me, the answer so far has been more to work on loving myself, but I am divorced and have no one else to answer to. I found the works of and very helpful, and I often write posts inspired by them. Thanks so much for following my blog. Please find my Friends Page and tell us about yourself and your blog. Welcome!

    • Thanks so much for your comment and the warm welcome.

      This particular post is one I certainly relate to, of course I wrote it. It is also a myriad of experiences of some of my very best friends in life who have experienced not only hurt and pain but also great deals of personal growth when encountering a ‘fungus’ … lol

      I’ve labelled the critter of this story a fungus, though in reality there are so many sides to stories such as this and it CAN get quite complicated. My touch on it doesn’t even begin to testify to some of the experiences of people in situations such as Love Triangles. I personally don’t think they should even occur, BUT they do and we have to choose to make the right choices and in many cases this means distancing ourselves from someone we care for greatly.

      Yes it hurts, but we can learn from it.

      Thanks so much for sharing about your own experiences, I will most certainly look up those references and be sure to visit your friends page.

      Miss Lou

      • Thank you, Miss Lou. Our shared experiences are what makes us all a family of sorts — I think of my readers as family, and you are a member, as well. I know I will find some benefits in your blog!

      • You are welcome — we are fortunate to have come together in the millions or billions of blogs. If you enjoy poetry, please see my poetry blog — the link is on my home page. XOXOXO

  15. Love doesn’t make no sense! Agreed. If it did we probably wouldn’t chase it or allow it to affect us. The heart and the mind are always going to be at odds! It’s infuriating as the logical you knows what is nonsense and when yo bow out, however the heart can and usually is able to convince you otherwise. Side dish is definitely not what yo deserve. You are beautiful, you are woman, you are love! I’m sure however that your heart is telling you something else right now, and if not right now, it will. So we end up back at the beginning. Love don’t make no sense! Keep writing it out beautiful! I will be listening. Xx

    • Thanks so much for your kind and beautiful words.

      This is actually a blog I wrote for the first time a few years ago. I certainly relate to it on so many levels – and had my own experienced with undefined and messy. I’m not quite too sure how long it would have gone on for had I not cut off contact then cried for about 6 months straight! *rolling my eyes*

      Oddly enough I still love him. Perhaps not him, as I haven’t spoken to him since march 2009, BUT the idea of him as he was and the idea of the man he was trying to become.

      As much as I would love for LOVE to have clarity. It just does not. It is confusing and difficult, yet wonderful and love changing.

      I wouldn’t change a thing about my life in love.

      I am a better person because of it!

      Miss Lou

      • We are like kindred spirits! The Love I wrote of in my 1st blog i haven’t seen in a year. He has been so much pain, hurt, anger, but yet my heart still loves him too. My mind doesn’t like him very much, but heart just hasn’t been able to let go yet. Like you, as much as Love and all the things that come with it have hurt me, I still believe in it and still pursue it. One day I hope to find a love that recognises mine and loves me back the same. Xx

      • YAY @ Kindred Spirits, I love it when I find people who totally relate 🙂

        Thanks so much for following and commenting 🙂
        Miss Lou

  16. Oh love is such a sticky situation no matter what. Add a few ingredients or take away some and it becomes a ticking time bomb. Saying that, we can’t live without it.

  17. This is very sad, good, helpful to make me get beyond what sometimes has happened. I think putting in your words, helps free my sad feelings. Like we shared something and the weight is off me, now. Thank you for this.

    • Aww, Thanks so much for your beautiful comments. I’m so happy that these words have helped you in some way. That’s the best outcome I could hope for!

      *huggles you*

      Miss Lou

    • You are so welcome! I really thought you might relate to it. I think just about everyone has at some stage on some level!

      Miss Lou

    • Hi JustDeb, Thanks so much for the visit and the comment AND the re-blog! I absolutely don’t mind! #Totally flattered and butterfly bellied!

      Re ‘stuff’ I KNOW right.. I think lots of us have been there!

  18. Hi, I’m a blogging newbie and just began discovering. Your blog is so cool; full of hidden corners, intriguing phrases and not so clear to me yet…. lots to discover.

    • Hi Heila, lovely to meet you, thanks heaps for dropping by and leaving a comment!

      Yes I tend to confuse even those that know me well.. lol

  19. I feel your pain but as I learned regardless of which side of the fence we are on when it comes to love, it is better to love and know what that is like than to never have been loved or love someone… Love is the only game in town.

    • Hi bklynboy59, Great to meet you and thanks so much for visiting and commenting.

      This is actually an old blog of mine, categorized under reposts (so thankfully not something I am experiencing at the present moment)

      I absolutely agree, it is better to love and have those difficult experiences than to have never experienced love at all. Even in the event that your love is unrequited, does not mean it does not hold value.

      Heartbreak, rejection and those of us who have been one of those loving side dishes all learn valuable lessons and that allows us to support those who have been through the same struggles.

      It can also help us to recognise the signs of ‘sidedishdom’ and focus on healthier relationships in the future.

      • it opens the door for someone else to come in your life that will either build on top of what is already done or expand the good in you as well. And the pleasure is mine pleased to meet you.

  20. You know this is something that I struggle with. It keeps coming back to my head no matter how many times I think its gone. I am one that keeps trying to make sense of things. The only problem is Love does not make sense! There is no formula that promises success when it comes to love. It even sometimes gets us to break our own moral compass of values and leaves us slapping ourselves for doing so afterwards (insert the song Babyface Love Makes things Happen). The crazy situation I was in where I was that side dish and believed all the crap of her wanting to be with me was something never even imagined to be entertained….the other….the flat out rejection of someone I care for…it hurt deeper than any other similar situation ever in life (still does a bit at times)..However looking back on it over 4 months later my sense of pride has kicked in. I refused to be secondary or an after thought when it comes to someones love. I look at the rejection as a wow that’s too bad for her (insert the song Best thing I never had by Beyonce…sucks to be you right now)!

    Heck im even going in circles as I type this.You have to post this right before I got into bed…wonders if you did this while in the tub?

    • I know Pebbles *huggles* You are absolutely right, Love does not make sense and there is no secret formula to success. I agree that sometimes it sees us breaking our own values and morals and YES – SO MUCH leaves us slapping ourselves for doing so afterwards.

      And you mean this song:

      Being a side dish is something I do not think any of us sets out to imagine being a part of our lives. It sneaks up on us through a series of deceptions and once we are in it, we are left with that ‘WHAT THE FUNGUS’ and HOW ON EARTH DID I GET HERE’ Feeling.

      Rejection is also extremely painful, but from where I am standing I would so much prefer honest rejection that to be mislead – which is sometimes how we get into side dish situations, because people struggle with providing feedback that could be hurtful.

      I love that Beyonce song BTW.. and go between feeling it applies to one of my love stories and then not so much, cause i get a sense of conviction about being bitter n twisted.. lol

      I’m sorry if this has just turned your insides upside down right before bed! If it helps.. NO I was not in the bath when blogging this time around.. lol

      *huggles you* Pebbles, you are a great man, with a wonderful strength of character and I value your honesty. Several years of ‘Consistent interaction has shown me that.

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